Breaking Free from Thinking Traps: Your Path to Well-Being

We all fall prey to thinking traps. Thinking traps are negative thoughts and assumptions we make about ourselves, others, or the world around us. It’s normal to have these thoughts because our brains were wired to identify the negatives. From an evolutionary stand point, it makes sense that humans needed to pay attention to situations that would help them survive. In the modern world, our brains are still seeking threats and acting as a safety mechanism to preserve us. While our predators are no longer ferocious beasts hiding in the forest, we often react the same way to threats to our sense of belonging and our need to be loved, especially when faced with multiple stressors in our lives. Workplace stress contributes significantly to our mental wellness and unfortunately our sense of well-being continues to get worse each year. While companies are increasingly focusing on cultivating a shift to human sustainability, it will take much time and effort. In the meantime, we can focus on what’s in our control, our own thoughts, and become more intentional on how to manage them.

The negative narratives we tell ourselves directly influence how we feel and how we behave. Our thoughts guide our feelings and our feelings drive our behaviors. Often, the results we get are not really what we hoped for. At work, we may see thinking traps appear when we are in certain situations, like when we’re asked to be part of a high stakes meeting. The idea of participating in the meeting evokes a self-limiting belief that if we raise our hand to express our point of view, our idea will be shut down immediately, only to be surprised when the negative outcomes don’t materialize when we actually state our point of view. In fact, your manager and peers praise you for the idea instead of delivering the harsh criticism or ridicule your mind was expecting. Often, we find that our brains create scenarios that are far worse than what actually happens in real life. Over time, our well-being is negatively impacted and we end up restricting ourselves from living a meaningful life.

Examples of common thinking traps:

Overgeneralization: Making a broad statement based on one situation or piece of evidence. “I didn’t get this job, so I won’t ever get another job.”

Personalization: Blaming yourself for events beyond your control; taking things personally when they aren’t actually connected to you. “We failed because it was all my fault.” “He’s upset because of me.”

Filtering: Focusing on the negative details of a situation while ignoring the positive. You state, “I’m the worst at deadlines,” after forgetting to turn in a report on time, even though you have a record of turning your work in on time.

All-or-Nothing Thinking: Only seeing the extremes of a situation. “Either I do it right or nothing at all.”

Catastrophizing: Blowing things out of proportion; dwelling on the worst possible outcomes. “This is going to be the worst day of my life. I’m going to be fired and will never get another job. I’ll end up on the street.”

Mind Reading: Judging or deciding something without all the facts. You conclude someone is reacting negatively to you. “He will hate everything I say.” “He didn’t call me because he doesn’t like me.”

Emotional Reasoning: Thinking that however you feel is fully and unarguably true. “I feel guilty. I must be a horrible person.”

Discounting the Positive: Explaining all positives away as luck or coincidence. “Even though I got the promotion, that was just luck.”

“Should” Statements: Making yourself feel guilty by pointing out what you should or shouldn’t be doing, feeling, or thinking. “I should always be successful.” “It’s terrible I made a mistake. I should always be the best.”

What can you do instead of falling for the thinking trap?

First, notice your thoughts and feelings. So often we’re on autopilot. We don’t stop to recognize what we’re telling ourselves or how we’re really feeling.

Label the thought for what it is, just a thought. We have over 60,000 thoughts on any given day and not all of them are 100% true.

Reframe the thought. You may not be able to control the first thought, but you can practice reframing the second thought. Get curious and ask yourself, “What’s the most realistic outcome?”

Challenge the thought. Ask yourself, “What evidence do I have to support this thought?”

Put distance between the thought and you. Add, “I’m having the thought that …..” Distancing yourself from the thought cuts off the amygdala hijack and allows you to engage the thinking side of the brain. This gives you enough time to determine if the thought is helpful or just an old narrative that is no longer serving you. It’s your choice.

Test the validity of the negative thought. Conduct an experiment to see whether the thought is 100% true.

Use self-compassion. Ask yourself, “What would I tell a really close friend or relative under the same circumstances?”

Use your values. Ask yourself, “What really matters to me? What good could I do? What do I want to stand for?”

To effectively manage negative thoughts, start by noticing you’ve become fused with them.  Next, choose a way forward that works for you. Whether it’s acting based on your values or cultivating self-compassion, find a tool or combination of strategies that gets you moving in the right direction. Practice makes progress. Remember that we are all works in progress.

If your difficult thoughts are keeping you from achieving the life you wish, partner with me to discover effective strategies for reducing workplace stress, enhancing your overall well-being, and unlocking the confidence you desire in both your professional and personal life.